Telling your loved ones, partner, or parents about your unplanned pregnancy may be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. Dealing with negative reactions to unexpected pregnancy news can be even harder.
There is always a risk that someone will react badly, but this is thankfully not the norm. And even when a loved one does respond badly at first, they often come around with time.
Still, there are steps you should take before and during this conversation to keep yourself safe and to have the best outcome. Read through the tips below and always feel free to reach out to our team if you need more help.
Prepare for the conversation
1. Process your emotions first
Before facing someone else’s emotional reaction, you need to process and understand your feelings first. Approaching this discussion while you’re overwhelmed by your emotions will only lead to regret and hurt.
Take some time to journal your emotions and identify what you’re feeling. Are you scared? Angry? Happy? Anxious? Hopeful? Writing your feelings down will help you understand and accept your reaction.
It’s also helpful to figure out what you want from your pregnancy. You can talk with a counselor, trusted loved one, or even a patient advocate at Thrive Orlando. Learn about all your options and decide what you want to do before inviting someone else (and their opinions) into the conversation.
Take some time to journal your emotions and identify what you’re feeling. Are you scared? Angry? Happy? Anxious? Hopeful? Writing your feelings down will help you understand and accept your reaction.
It’s also helpful to figure out what you want from your pregnancy. You can talk with a counselor, trusted loved one, or even a patient advocate at Thrive Orlando. Learn about all your options and decide what you want to do before inviting someone else (and their opinions) into the conversation.
2. Carefully plan the meeting
Planning what you want to say and how to say it can increase your confidence and control. But it’s also important to prepare in other ways. Choose a safe place to meet in person, ideally not in public. Schedule time to sit and work through the news of your pregnancy—you don’t want anyone to feel pressure to leave before the conversation is over.
Most importantly, make sure you will be safe during this meeting, especially if you think someone will react negatively. Bring a trusted friend or family member to have your back and mediate if needed. Don’t meet in private. You can even arrange to stay with someone you trust in case you need a safe place to live after.
You know the people in your life best. Take the steps you need to protect yourself from anyone who might hurt you or force you into a choice you don’t want to make.
How to deal with negative reactions to an unexpected pregnancy
1. Take a break from the conversation
Most people will have an emotional reaction to learning about your unexpected pregnancy. They may cry, ask a lot of questions, or say harsh things that they don’t truly mean. You should prepare for an emotional response, no matter who you’re talking to.
That said, no one has the right to yell at you, shame you, touch you, act violently around you, or threaten you. Those actions cross a line. If you feel unsafe or the other person can’t calm down enough to have a productive conversation, you can end the meeting. Tell your loved one to take time to process the news, just like you did, and schedule another time to meet.
You are in control of this situation. Whether you’re talking to your partner or parents, no has the right to make you feel threatened or afraid. Your safety comes first.
2. Allow your mediator to step in
If you receive a negative response, you may get emotional too. This can lead to shouting, pointing fingers, crying, and generally unproductive conversation. If you have invited a third party to the meeting, ask them to step in when things get heated. They can help calm everyone and keep the discussion focused on what matters.
3. Be confident, not argumentative or defensive
Preparing for this meeting empowers you to handle negative reactions with confidence. Rather than getting defensive when someone blames you for the pregnancy or says something unkind, follow your plan. Share what you have learned about your options and the decision you want to make. Tell your loved one why you have chosen to share this important news with them and how you are hoping they will support you in your decision.
This meeting is not meant to solve your challenges or to figure out what it means for your future. There will be time for those discussions later, when everyone has had a chance to process the news.
4. Remember your power and hold your ground
When you tell another person about your pregnancy, you are inviting them into this chapter of your life. No one is entitled to your story or to the decisions you make.
That said, your partner does have a stake in your pregnancy. This should be a decision and process you go through together. Be honest about your feelings, fears, and desires, and encourage him to do the same. But remember that he doesn’t have the right to force or coerce you into a decision. It is not okay for him to threaten or hurt you in any way.
And you’re not alone. Find support, answers, and the resources you need here.