Relationship red flags often show up in times of stress. Finding out that you’re pregnant, especially if it wasn’t planned, may reveal concerns about your partner and relationship. Whether you’ve been together for six weeks or six years, it’s important to pay attention to these early warning signs.
You deserve a supportive, caring partner, especially in this situation. While you might both need some time and space to process this pregnancy, nothing justifies harmful behavior. If your partner has shown any of these red flags, seek help and advice from someone you can trust to have your back.
What are red flags in a relationship?
1. He blames you for the pregnancy
Unplanned pregnancies usually spark strong emotions. Your partner may, in the heat of the moment, point fingers and lay blame. While still not okay, this negative reaction is understandable. A good partner will, after processing the news, apologize and accept responsibility for his role in this pregnancy.
Continued blame, however, is a red flag. You are not responsible for this pregnancy. When you both consented to sex, pregnancy was always a possibility. This is a time to come together, not a time to cast blame.
2. He minimizes your pregnancy
Pregnancy is a life-changing experience. Whether you keep or end the pregnancy, it will affect you for the rest of your life. It’s normal to be emotional, uncertain, and in need of support, especially from your partner.
So if he dismisses your pregnancy or feelings about it, that is a major relationship warning sign. He may say things like:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “We/you will just take care of it. It’s not a big deal.”
- “Why are you freaking out?”
- “You’re making this harder than it needs to be.”
Some men try to ignore the pregnancy, usually assuming that their partners will end the pregnancy so they don’t have to worry about it. This dismissive attitude is incredibly harmful. You deserve a partner who will process the pregnancy with you and join you in making a decision that is right for you both.
3. He pressures you to have an abortion
Forced abortions are more common than you might think. And this pressure isn’t always obvious. Some men might be aggressive about this demand, threatening their partners with physical, mental, emotional, or sexual harm if they don’t have an abortion.
Others may be more subtle. He might threaten to break up with you or withhold financial support unless you do what he wants. Guilt-tripping is another form of abortion coercion. Your partner might constantly remind you of the negative aspects of your pregnancy, subtly trying to push you toward a specific option. He might even suggest that keeping the pregnancy is selfish and that doing so will negatively affect him and your other loved ones.
4. He disrespects your boundaries
Generally, an invested partner is a good thing. Wanting to go to your appointments and joining you to research all of your options are both green flags. A partner who demands to go to your appointments and tries to isolate you, however, should set off alarm bells.
While he does carry half the responsibility for this pregnancy, that doesn’t give him the right to control you. This experience should encourage you to grow closer, not provide an excuse for abusive behavior.
Along with respecting big boundaries, your partner should also honor your smaller requests. You are always allowed to talk to trusted loved ones about your pregnancy, even if he wants to keep it a secret. If you need more time to think through your options, you deserve space. You should feel confident and supported during this time, especially by your partner.
5. He withdraws emotionally
Needing space to process is normal. Ghosting you or refusing to engage is not. Both reactions are immature and disrespectful. If he isn’t willing to stay by your side and work with you now, how can you rely on him to support you through the next steps? Your partner should treat you and your pregnancy with seriousness and concern.
You deserve a partner who is committed and supportive
Your pregnancy means you need more support, not less. This situation isn’t an excuse for your partner to treat you with anything less than the respect and kindness you deserve.
If you are seeing any of these red flags or other concerning behaviors, seek help from a trusted source. Reach out to your mom, friends, mentors, or even a safe community resource such as Thrive Orlando. You can also get support from resources such as OptionLine (800-712-4357) or the Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233).
You deserve the best. Don’t accept anything less.