Key Takeaways
- Setting boundaries with family during the holidays can be tricky, but doing so offers stress relief and peace of mind.
- Identifying your triggers and finding ways to avoid them will help prevent conflict.
- Prioritizing healthy communication and self-care can also increase your joy during the holiday season.
Wondering how to set healthy boundaries with family during the holidays? You’re not alone. A survey found that 22% of U.S. adults say that anticipating or experiencing family conflict causes stress during the holiday season.
As you prepare to head home or welcome family in, it’s important to set and communicate boundaries that will help protect your peace of mind. No matter what anyone says, it isn’t selfish, and you’re not overreacting. Setting boundaries is a healthy way to manage relationships, especially when dealing with people who struggle to respect your needs.
Use these tips to create a stress-free holiday for yourself and set boundaries with family without feeling guilty.
How to set healthy boundaries with family during the holidays
1. Identify your holiday family stress triggers
Family knows you and your history better than anyone else. While this is sometimes a blessing, it also means that your loved ones know exactly which buttons to push. They might be more comfortable asking intrusive questions as well.
Before heading to your holiday gatherings, take some time to think about the topics or questions that need to be off limits. These may include:
- Your love life or the state of your relationship
- Work
- School
- Finances
- Future plans
- Pregnancy and parenting
It’s okay if you don’t know what to say when family asks personal questions about these topics. Try to redirect the conversation or simply state that you aren’t interested in talking about them. Even if questions come from a place of genuine concern, you can decide who to talk to and when it’s the best time to discuss these topics.
Your triggers might also include criticisms or pressure to join different activities. No matter the reason, it’s okay to say no. And remember to give yourself grace. Learning how to avoid triggering conversations and situations will get easier with time.
2. Set clear, compassionate boundaries
Once you’ve identified your triggers, decide what protecting your peace during the holidays looks like. You might need to limit the number of events you attend, or enlist a sibling to help you avoid interactions with a specific person. Healthy boundaries with your family may mean opting out of gatherings with that person altogether.
Whatever you decide, remember that communicating your boundaries is just as important as setting them. While you don’t have to justify your boundaries, it may help to explain your reasoning. You’re asking your family to listen to and respect you, so be sure to offer them the same courtesy. Approach these conversations with compassion, but never be afraid to stand your ground.
3. Share your needs without guilt
It’s normal to feel guilty about putting yourself first, especially with family and especially during the holidays. Using these feelings to justify breaking your boundaries or allowing others to, however, will only lead to more negative emotions. Failing to set the boundaries you need will do the same.
Remember, you are sharing these limits so you and your family have a healthier, more enjoyable holiday season. If you’re willing to push through the discomfort involved with setting and maintaining your boundaries now, you can ensure happier gatherings in the future.
During your appointment, you will learn about all your options and about resources that can help you overcome your challenges. We can help you find services that offer educational help, financial assistance, emotional support, and more. You aren’t alone in this.
Remember the stats on unplanned pregnancies? Millions of women have been in your same situation, and many have positive unplanned pregnancy stories to share.
It’s also important to note the difference between unplanned vs. unwanted pregnancy. It’s okay to want a pregnancy that changes your plans. And it’s okay to change your mind after the initial panic fades. What you truly feel and want are all that matter.
4. Prioritize your physical and emotional health
Emotional self-care during the holidays isn’t limited to boundaries. There are plenty of ways to take care of yourself so you are better prepared for the stresses you experience.
Make sure you get enough rest, exercise, and nutrition. Holiday sweets are always delicious, but too much sugar can affect your health and moods. Give yourself time to recharge and relax, which may include naps, taking a walk, or watching your favorite Christmas movie. It’s also helpful to have a partner, friend, or family member you can turn to for support if you need to.
5. Create your own traditions
Too often, the busyness of the holiday season only leaves room for other people’s events and activities. If you want to truly enjoy this time of year, you have to prioritize some of your own traditions.
Schedule time to focus on the things you love most about the holidays. Make Christmas cookies, visit light shows, enjoy quiet mornings at home, or host a holiday brunch with friends. If you aren’t happy with the way you typically spend the holidays, now is the best time to make your own traditions.
Setting boundaries during the holidays isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. Give yourself the gift of joy and peace of mind this season!
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