Telling your mom about your unplanned pregnancy often provides reassurance and peace of mind. Even if you think she will be supportive, however, it can be a scary conversation to have.
In this blog, you’ll learn how to tell your mom about your surprise pregnancy. We’ll help you prepare for both positive and negative reactions, empowering you to feel ready and confident to share this news with your mom.
First, however, we want to acknowledge that your mom may not be a safe person to talk to about your pregnancy. If you believe telling her will lead to more harm than good, we encourage you to use these tips to confide in someone else you trust to support you through your pregnancy.
How to tell your mom about your surprise pregnancy
1. Take time to process your situation
Before you tell your mom about your pregnancy, it’s important to process your feelings about it first. If you don’t, you might struggle to control your emotions or stand up for yourself during the conversation. This can lead to arguments, unwanted pressure, and even feeling forced into a choice you don’t want to make.
Thankfully, there are many great ways to work through your thoughts and feelings. You might use prompts to journal about your unexpected pregnancy, or set aside time to meditate. Practicing the conversation with a trusted friend is another great option. Give yourself the time and space to understand your fears, hopes, and concerns.
Most importantly, research which pregnancy options you can choose. Telling others about your situation often prompts them to share their opinion about what you should do next. If you aren’t informed about all your options, it can be hard to make your own decisions. Give yourself the tools and knowledge you need to feel confident and at peace with your choice.
2. Pick the right time and place
This news will probably be a big surprise to your mom. She will need time and space to process it. It’s best to pick a quiet, private location for your chat. You should both have the freedom to get emotional, which can be difficult in a crowded area or a formal setting such as a restaurant. Limiting distractions will also help.
Timing is important too. Make sure you have enough time to work through the news and talk everything out. If your mom needs to leave for work or has things to do, she may struggle to give you the attention you need. It’s also best to avoid times of high stress. Don’t drop the news in the middle of an argument or while she’s stressed about a family gathering.
Though you can’t control everything and you aren’t responsible for her feelings, do your best to set this conversation up for success.
3. Plan what you want to say
Preparing your thoughts in advance can help you guide the conversation. You can create a list of bullet points, prepare something to read, or even role-play with a friend. This plan can help you cover the most important points and will help you redirect the discussion if it gets off track.
Honesty is important, but it’s also okay to choose what you want to share. What’s most important is to communicate that you are thinking carefully about all your options. You can invite your mom to share her input, but it’s okay to disagree and to set healthy boundaries.
4. Be clear about your needs
Clearly tell your mom what you want from her, whether that’s support, advice, or just a listening ear. If you’ve already decided what you want to do with your pregnancy, share your plans. At the same time, don’t miss the chance to hear her thoughts if you trust her opinion. Your mom loves you and wants what’s best for you. You may disagree, but it doesn’t hurt to keep an open mind.
5. Prepare for your mom’s reaction
Do you remember how you felt when you saw that positive pregnancy test? Your mom will probably experience the same mix of emotions, so give her time to process the news. Some moms might need a moment of quiet, while others will immediately begin asking questions. Your mom might respond negatively out of fear and shock, or simply ask for a tearful hug.
No matter what happens, remember that initial reactions rarely reflect your true feelings. Once she has time to process your pregnancy, she will likely respond much differently. Even if it’s hard, try to give her grace in this moment.
That doesn’t mean, however, that you need to accept physical, verbal, or emotional abuse. If your mom won’t treat you with respect, you can end the conversation. You may be able to revisit the discussion after she’s had time to process, but you don’t owe her a second chance. Use your best judgment and do whatever you need to be safe.
Get judgment-free support at Thrive Orlando
As you prepare to tell your mom about your unplanned pregnancy, getting information about all your pregnancy options is the best place to start. During your free appointment, you can ask questions about abortion, adoption, and parenting. You’ll also receive important information about your pregnancy and health.
We’re here for you. Find pregnancy support at our clinic today.