Pregnancy shame often goes hand-in-hand with an unplanned pregnancy. You might feel ashamed of the choices you made that led to your pregnancy. Perhaps the father is someone you are ashamed to have had sex with, such as an ex or a one-night stand. Or maybe your circumstances are driving these feelings.
No matter the reason, you should know that feeling shame around an unexpected pregnancy is normal. Many women in your situation feel the same way. That doesn’t mean, however, that this emotion is helpful, necessary, or earned. You deserve to be free of pregnancy shame. You can find freedom from this feeling.
This blog offers four ways to process and release toxic pregnancy shame, helping restore your mental health and clarifying your next steps.
How to overcome pregnancy shame
1. Identify the source of the shame
Shame is a complex emotion. It can affect you in many different areas of your life, but it often has specific sources. The best way to understand and heal from toxic shame is to identify the reason you’re feeling this way.
Shame, on the other hand, says something is wrong with you. It tells you that you are a bad person for making those choices or getting yourself into this situation. Shame is harmful, not helpful.
Take some time to examine these feelings of shame and what they are telling you. You could meditate or journal to help unpack these emotions. This will help you uncover the source of your shame.
2. Have compassion for yourself
To heal from these feelings, you have to first have compassion for yourself and the situation you are dealing with. It might be that your pregnancy is at odds with your beliefs. Your age, financial situation, relationship, or social image might also be causing this shame. Maybe someone is telling you to feel ashamed.
No matter the reason, you don’t deserve this toxic shame. Once you know where it comes from, you can use compassion to find relief.
Everyone makes mistakes. You’re only human. Even if you could have made different or better choices, you are not defined by your mistakes. Give yourself grace as you accept the choices you made and the situation you are in today. Then, acknowledge that you deserve compassion as you move forward.
3. Adjust your inner dialogue
You should be the safest place for yourself, especially when facing an unexpected pregnancy. But when you are constantly beating yourself up and talking down to yourself, you only feed your feelings of shame.
When you find that your thoughts are overly negative or judgmental, remember to give yourself grace and compassion. Learn to recognize negative self-talk such as:
I’m so stupid for getting myself into this situation.
I will never find happiness or achieve my goals now.
I deserve to feel bad or guilty about this pregnancy and it’s my job to fix it for everyone else.
Instead, replace these thoughts with encouraging and uplifting truths. Remind yourself that you are strong, capable, and deserving of good things, no matter your past mistakes.
4. Keep shame out of your decisions
When you are experiencing pregnancy shame, these feelings can hijack your decisions. You may make a choice because you think it will relieve this shame rather than making the decision you want to make.
Trying to hide the pregnancy or protecting your loved ones from social stigma aren’t good reasons to make any decision. You shouldn’t try to punish yourself by making a specific choice.
Instead, know that you deserve happiness and love. No matter your plans or situation, you can do the things you dream of doing. Shame has no place in your life or decisions.
Find support at Thrive Orlando
You have a lot on your heart and mind. During your appointment, you can speak with one of our patient advocates about your concerns, fears, and challenges. She will help you work through your pregnancy shame and understand all of the options available to you.
You deserve the best and you can find it here.